Thursday 17 March 2011

The myth of customer service

"If you raise your voice to me, I will terminate the call." Customer service today in the UK is simply pathetic. The operators aren't there to provide a service. They're there to stonewall, buck pass and add to the frustration the customer already feels because the service or product they are paying for has failed to provide that service, and now the customer service person who is meant to deal with the problem isn't providing that service either. In desperation, you demand 'Well, what the hell am I paying for then?' And the answer, rather than the truthful, 'for us to rip you off and keep ripping you off until you go away or admit defeat' is 'if you raise your voice... etc etc.'
The companies claim that they have to take this tone because people now are so rude and demanding. What they don't mention is the fact that people used to be more polite because they believed the company they were dealing with was intrinsically honest and committed to providing the service they were paid for. Can we say that about many of the companies we deal with today? Do we feel they are transparent and up front in all their communications. Or have the marketing department got involved and added just a little bit of 'spin', just enough double speak to muddy the waters? And do we honestly believe that the companies we deal with today are endeavouring to give us a level of service that will leave a warm, fuzzy glow inside? Or are they passing off the bare minimum as a premium product? Are you getting the broadband speed you paid for? Does the network coverage feel like the 99% claimed by the phone company? Is the British Embassy in Tokyo helping UK citizens get home or has it buggered off in a wanton and cowardly act of self preservation?
We're not getting what we were promised. And we're not getting customer service when we complain about it. Is it any wonder we raise the decibel level? So the next time the customer disservice rep threatens to terminate the call, try answering with... "and if you terminate the call, I'll hunt you down like a dog, make you watch 50's British Ealing films until you talk like Joyce Grenfall, and force you to repeat the phrase 'I'll sort it out immediately for you, Sir/Madam' until you develop a 1000 yard stare akin to Malcolm McDowell in a Clockwork Orange."

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