The myth of customer service

"If you raise your voice to me, I will terminate the call." Customer service today in the UK is simply pathetic. The operators aren't there to provide a service. They're there to stonewall, buck pass and add to the frustration the customer already feels because the service or product they are paying for has failed to provide that service, and now the customer service person who is meant to deal with the problem isn't providing that service either. In desperation, you demand 'Well, what the hell am I paying for then?' And the answer, rather than the truthful, 'for us to rip you off and keep ripping you off until you go away or admit defeat' is 'if you raise your voice... etc etc.'
The companies claim that they have to take this tone because people now are so rude and demanding. What they don't mention is the fact that people used to be more polite because they believed the company they were dealing with was intrinsically honest and committed to providing the service they were paid for. Can we say that about many of the companies we deal with today? Do we feel they are transparent and up front in all their communications. Or have the marketing department got involved and added just a little bit of 'spin', just enough double speak to muddy the waters? And do we honestly believe that the companies we deal with today are endeavouring to give us a level of service that will leave a warm, fuzzy glow inside? Or are they passing off the bare minimum as a premium product? Are you getting the broadband speed you paid for? Does the network coverage feel like the 99% claimed by the phone company? Is the British Embassy in Tokyo helping UK citizens get home or has it buggered off in a wanton and cowardly act of self preservation?
We're not getting what we were promised. And we're not getting customer service when we complain about it. Is it any wonder we raise the decibel level? So the next time the customer disservice rep threatens to terminate the call, try answering with... "and if you terminate the call, I'll hunt you down like a dog, make you watch 50's British Ealing films until you talk like Joyce Grenfall, and force you to repeat the phrase 'I'll sort it out immediately for you, Sir/Madam' until you develop a 1000 yard stare akin to Malcolm McDowell in a Clockwork Orange."

[Posted with iBlogger from my iPhone]

Helicopter wins goldfish

If there's one thing that's guaranteed to make you think a situation is out of control, it's the sight of helicopters carrying giant bags of water. Fukushima... and run for the hills.

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Budget Betting

Budget day next Wednesday and George Osborne has been touting his budget for growth for the last couple of months. Here's the betting on just how innovative it's going to be: Revising some old Thatcherite dogma like Enterprise Zones 5/2 on. Cutting corporation tax for small business by 25%, 50/1. Tinkering with a load of minuscule benefits that no one gets much out of, evens. Claiming he's been either 'progressive', 'bold' and/or 'responsive to the needs of industry' 11/10 on. In the words of Roger Daltery, 'Meet the new boss, same as the old boss...'

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Haunted Dover

Just finished reading Lorraine Sencicle's book 'Haunted Dover'. Apparently, the only place in Dover that isn't haunted is my sock drawer.

http://www.davisdavis.co.uk

[Posted with iBlogger from my iPhone]

Damn you, iPhone...

Forget all the video calling and movie editing on the iPhone. The great feature is the fact that you can connect it to your bluetooth keyboard with just a click. Which means you can sit on the train and type just like normal to the screen. Therefore, any typos and spelling mistakes you find in my blogs from now on can't be blamed on the twitch on screen keyboard and predictive text. It's all my own work.

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A typical Wednesday in adland

Client agency wanted some ideas for a new campaign today, so spent it working with my favourite art director, The Man. Put together 3 sale-able ideas and presented them to the creative director who made all the right noises, e.g. 'like this...', 'that's a big concept..., 'I can see that working...etc'. Then presented us with a load of ideas of his own he wanted us to think about. Not sure whether to feel pleased or deflated - especially as one of his ideas is pretty good. Still one of ours was a belter too so it's 1-1 going into half time.

Other clients cheekily asking for more work that they haven't scheduled in or have just 'mentioned in passing'. As always, we'll do what we can. Good job we're off the booze at the moment or I might think I was getting no fun out of life. I KNOW I'm getting no fun out of life.

[Posted with iBlogger from my iPhone]

South Eastern's Recall Challenged Ticket Inspector

You've got to admire the sheer ineptitude of South Eastern Railways. Today we have a ticket inspector who seems to only recently have applied for UK residency from, I'd guess, Kenya. His accent is heavy and he has the officious air of someone who has acquired a uniform and a hat but no real authority. Unfortunately, he appears to lack one of the key characteristics of a good ticket inspector. A strong memory. He's already asked most of the people in the carriage to show their tickets for a second time - some for a third. At this rate we might as well wear our season passes around our necks like minor entourage members at a Lady Ga Ga concert.

[Posted with iBlogger from my iPhone]